


Routine

by MrProphet



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 12:36:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10697139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrProphet/pseuds/MrProphet





	Routine

Ianto looked at the piece of paper in front of him, and then back up at the woman from HR. “You want me to sign this?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“But… there’s nothing on it.”

“Oh, there is,” the woman assured him. “But I’m afraid that you can’t read it until you sign.”

“But it’s just a blank sheet!”

“As I say, you  _can not_  read it until you sign. Not  _may_  not,  _can_  not.”

Ianto was silent for a moment. “Okay,” he said softly. After another moment’s pause he picked up his pen and signed at the bottom of the page. To his amazement, dense rows of text immediately began to appear on the page.

“The paper has a psychic signature,” the woman explained. “In time you’ll learn to ignore that.”

“So what have I signed?”

“Just the standard secrecy agreement.”

“Oh, the Official Secrets Act.”

The woman burst out laughing. “Oh, yes; that old thing. No, the Official Secrets Act doesn’t cover us. This is more of a binding compact. That psychic signature I mentioned; if you breach the terms of the agreement it will trigger a seizure. Not necessarily terminal, but certainly enough to remove your powers of communication.”

“Lovely,” Ianto said.

“You might want to read the details,” the woman suggested. “Also, we include the standard waivers on the same form; just a few routine matters.” She stood up. “I’ll leave you to it. When you’re finished I’ll give you the tour.”

“Thanks.”

Ianto sat at the table and studied the document. It took a long time; as soon as he thought he was getting close to the bottom it turned out that there was another paragraph of six to go. It was almost as if the text was scuttling up the page when he wasn’t paying attention.

The waivers were particularly comprehensive. “I hereby waive the right to action in the event of industrial accident, accidental exposure to radiation, animal toxins, vegetable alkaloids, alien venoms, energy pulses, temporal anomalies and mind-shattering cosmic horrors.

“I waive the expectation that any extraordinary methods to be extended for my recovery in the event of any extraterrestrial abduction, astral separation, temporal displacement or psychic imprisonment within my own mind resulting from work-related activities.

“I waive the right of refusal should my person be required for use in medical or technological experimentation, hostage exchange, or as a host body for an entity of a psychic, extra-dimensional, spiritual or hyperspatial nature for the purpose of diplomatic contact with the British Empire, as represented by the Torchwood Institute.”

He shook his head. “Routine stuff, really,” he decided, and left the rest unread.


End file.
